(Don't) stop being selfish

Hold on! Am I accusing you of being selfish, Reader?

I mean it with love (as always). The word 'selfish' immediately evokes negative connotations. How dare I suggest that you put yourself before others?

But what if that is exactly what you (and the world) needs right now? A more selfish version of you. And I don't mean a 'presidential' version of selfish (nudge, wink), I'm talking 'good selfish'.

I believe there is such a thing as 'good selfish'

'Good selfish' is when you put yourself first, for the right reasons.

• When you give yourself an extra moment
• When you check in with what's important to you
• When you say "no thank you" to something that feels off

Tiny pauses to put your own well-being before anyone else's. Because when you are at your best, you are able to do better things for others.

But the idea still feels uncomfortable right? As kids, as business owners, as parents, heck as Humans, we're expected to do what's right by others first. Stay inside our lane.
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We're programmed to not ruffle feathers in case we get kicked out of the cave and left to the sabre-toothed dinomammoths. We're encouraged to become a Shrinky Dink*: we shrivel back into something less than who we are, just in case...

If you have a tendency to be a people-pleaser, you might qualify this 'shrinkage' by telling yourself "Helping others is what gives me inner joy. My selfless act makes me a better me".

Coaches are especially good at this altruistic 'deception' (holding my hand up to that one too!)

Yes... seeing your magic rub off on others is phenomenal. Seeing the change you bring to the world – I totally get it.

My point though is that, when you are operating at less than full capacity (distracted by what others might think, by if you did a good enough job, by should you have given that person more of your time and energy, etc...) maybe you are not as fully magical as you could be.

'Good selfish' gives you the chance to reflect more deeply on those two killer questions I always ask:

1. What is it you really want (I mean REALLY want)?
2. Why is that so important to you that you are prepared to embrace your fears and take the brave and brilliant action required to make that happen?

These are deeply selfish questions

And yet the closer you are to the honest answers (BIG emphasis on the word 'honest' there), the easier it is to:

• Know when to give yourself an extra moment
• know when to check back in with what's important to you
• Know when to say "no thank you" to something that feels off

You'll free yourself of the what-ifs and those sideways hesitations.

Maybe 'shrinky dink you' isn't what the cave needs.
Maybe 'good selfish' you is...
The best version of you...

The one who knows that the dinomammoths are long gone and that, actually, good things await outside the cave.

Be selfish, step outside.

Mark Franklin, The Four Fears® Guy
​www.markfranklin.co.uk

"Mind Monkeys Welcome..." podcast now on Spotify | Apple | YouTube​

P.S. Worth checking out Gary Parsons' take on 'good selfish', especially in leadership.

* Shrinky Dinks were very thin sheets of clear polystyrene that you could paint patterns (or fill in pictures – often of cartoon characters) on. You would then heat them, causing them to shrink and become both rock hard and incredibly cute. Back when plastic fumes were not so much of a thing, you could also do it with crisp packets and, if you pierced a hole in the corner before heating them, make yourself very funky keyrings.

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