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Mark Franklin - The Four Fears® Guy

Are we scared of the facts or just the stories we tell ourselves?

Published 4 months ago • 1 min read

Are we scared of the facts...

...or just the stories we tell ourselves Reader?

A friend of mine had been offered a job recently which, in their own words, felt "terrifying".

They'd worked in the same place for over 30 years. They loved what they did, and they were great at it. So much so that someone else had noticed and had asked if they fancied moving over... albeit from a field role into leadership.

Other friends were quick to offer their thoughts – "Go for it! You'll be amazing. You have so many transferable skills. You'll smash it!"

All said with love and none of them intended to mislead. And yet all of them adding to the fear... adding to the 'what ifs':

  • What if I'm NOT amazing?
  • What if I'm out of my depth?
  • What if I don't "smash it?"

In the five min chat we were able to have, we didn't get into those transferable skills (of which there are genuinely a lot), and we didn't get into the salary jump, the benefits etc...

I asked one question (in two parts):

What is it you know about this new job (and what is it you are telling yourself about this new job)?

Notice the gap between each answer

When they paused on this, they realised that, actually, they knew very little about the new job. It had been an initial offer with an opportunity to come in and discuss things in more detail.

Everything that was causing the terror, was based on where my friend's mind had wandered beyond that brief first exchange. They had no evidence to prove/disprove their fears.

Go have a proper chat

That was my advice. Sit with the person who had made the offer (who happens to be another friend, and who will be open and honest about what they need and expect). Ask all the questions that you want answers to (in order to silence the 'what ifs') and then, you can decide if this is something you REALLY want.

Pause

"When they paused on this"... That was the most important moment in our conversation. The pause broke their inner critic's momentum. It de-escalated the terror, gave their brain a chance to regulate and created space for the truth.

When was the last time you paused? When would be a good time for you to pause?

Deep breath... you deserve a moment...

Mark Franklin, The Four Fears® Guy
​www.markfranklin.co.uk

405 Thorney Leys, Witney, Oxfordshire OX28 5NR
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Mark Franklin - The Four Fears® Guy

Transformational Mindset Coach, Speaker & Author

I help business owners and leaders embrace The Four Fears® – the four most common mindset barriers preventing them from enjoying the success they deserve. "What are The Four Fears®?" I'm so glad you asked... :-)

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